August 5th was my birthday. I will just throw it out there. I am now 35. Not old, but not young and hip any more. In 5 years I will be 40 (which apparently is the new 20 so I must be aging backwards) and as I reflect on this day of celebrating my birth, I realize that I have taken a long detour from who I wanted myself to be. Part of the detour was because Jason and I decided to have a family. Not that I would change that but sometimes you have to put yourself on hold for the well being of your kids. The other half is me allowing others to tell me who I was supposed to be. People would tell me that God spoke through them and this is what He has gifted me with. Of course, who am I to question God speaking through others. Maybe I should have weighed more what was brought to me. I know those words were brought with good intentions, but so many times it didn't sit right with my spirit. I would like to share with all of my friends who I am really am and what I plan to do with myself. I do this because I love you and I know that you will keep me honest and maybe it will inspire someone out there who may also be struggling with finding themselves.
1) I want to be healthy. Notice I didn't say lose weight. Yes, I need to lose weight but the truth is that health is much more important to me and as I take the steps to be healthier the weight will come off. I let stress and situations get to me and I turned to food instead of God for comfort. Curse you Jelly Bellies! :)
2) I am going to write three books in the next five years. Okay, to be fair I am half way done with one and started on the second. I used to write poetry and short stories all the time and somewhere along the line I let that fall to the wayside.
3) I am a hiker and a rock climber. Why did I stop? Not sure. This weekend, Jason and I are taking the kids hiking for the first time. Rock climbing will have to come later as I work on number 1. Maybe Mt. Rainier?
4) I want to get a degree and have a career, not just a job. I think I know what I want to do and I am going to start working towards that in the next five years. Still praying about whether this is the field I am supposed to go into. Not going to throw it out there because I don't want well intended people to tell me whether it is right or wrong. I just want God and I (and my husband) to work it all out.
5) I want to do humanitarian work. I can't watch the news and be okay with it. I have always felt like I needed to go. Every disaster, every crime against humanity makes me want to go there and do something about it. I let me self be okay with the fact that I am stuck in my home with no way to get there and that there is nothing I can do. BULL! I let myself become complacent. There is plenty I can do.
I know that this list will morph and grow over time, but these are the things that were, and still are, important to me. I am excited for what God is revealing in me. This is and will be a very wonderful journey.
